
Old Age Reconsidered
I am relishing my old age. Truly. I’m not exaggerating. I am not just tolerating it; I am not just enjoying it. I am savoring it. Delighting in it. Reveling in it. Luxuriating in it. I am quietly but gleefully surprised by the gifts that keep appearing in my elderhood. Gifts like perspective. And calm. And a deeper gratitude. And letting go. And discovering that some of the most meaningful things that I've learned have come through suffering.
I didn’t even consider myself “old” until I faced turning 70. That’s when I first allowed the subject to show its face, even though at age 65 I had reluctantly started toying with the idea. I have had a remarkable denial system…I’m still working on that.
On my 70th birthday, I wrote a long and serious diatribe about the dreadful appearance of That Which I Could No Longer Deny. It began, “I hate being 70!” That really covered it, but my dismay and my angst about becoming“old” demanded much more than four salty words. I filled several pages with my recriminations and my growing awareness of the impossibility of stemming the tide and the gross unfairness of it all.
Even as I slowly made some uneasy peace with my own aging over the next few years, I still lived in tension with the realities of growing older and older…and older. I was a billboard for the worst prejudices of ageism. I worried about becoming incapacitated, dependent and invisible. I had little good to say about getting older…and older.
Then, some months after I turned 76, I began realizing that I was falling in love with life in a whole new way. It only took me ten lines, at 76, to speak of changes that had mysteriously evolved without my even noticing them. Changes that I had longed for but found impossible to manufacture of my own accord. Perhaps it was the longing itself that paved the way. Perhaps.
I cannot deny, though, the discovery and the power of three people, three gurus who I came to think of as “my” people who were speaking out about ageism: first, a TED talk by Ashton Applewhite; then a TED talk by Dr. Bill Thomas; and last and definitely not least, a link to a delightful website called“Oxygen Buzz” and Bill Apablasa. I was ripe for the picking! And I was ready!
After a lifetime of working hard to live a good life, gaining some wisdom in both my successes and failures, I found that I hadn’t really had to do much conscious, intentional work at all in this relatively short span of six years. With age came changes that I had not anticipated. They just – appeared, surprising me with their quiet and mysterious arrival.
So it was that the changes that surprised me, that subtly arrived over time, became gifts that I hadn't expected; gifts that I hadn't found by searching for them. Delight had quietly found its way into my life over six struggling, questioning, wondering, longing years. And it has been delicious.
Now, in this newly refurbished life, having reached 77, I relish the deep, quiet calm of my spirit. It's a calm that I cannot manufacture but which is simply there. It is the foundation of most days (perfection eludes me…), unlike those days which used to be too full of angst and insecurity and indecision. This amazing calm is not just deep; it is deeply grounded, rooted firmly in the soil of experience and reality and my longing for a greater peace of mind.
I relish the enjoyment of sharing the long histories that I have with family and friends. I am fed by our telling the stories of our lives together, laughing and sighing and smiling and sometimes weeping over every “Remember when?” Our stories, so long a part of who we all are, have become balm for the soul. And the stories tell me who I have been, the good of who we have been, and the oh-not-so-good places that sometimes starved our souls. Regret and forgiveness have become comfortable companions.
I relish the discovery, hard-won, that I could survive the death in 2013 of my beloved husband, who was my soul-mate and best friend. I now know that even suffering, especially suffering, remakes us if we grasp its power to refine and heal us. So few things frighten me now. I have been to the depths and survived. I will likely survive the next loss that is going to appear. I am more resilient now, softer around the edges. I know from experience that grace lives in the midst of suffering and loss. And as favorite writer Anne Lamott says, “Grace always bats last…it just does.”
I relish the deepening gratitude that has, I suppose, been with me always in some ways. Yet it was so often pushed to one side when life disappointed me and I failed myself and others. With the coming of a few physical limitations, I have had to make a choice: grouse about my body (or sometimes my mind…) or smile (even laugh!) at how good life has been and how good it can still be.
And I relish the new hunger that I have found for discovering who I am yet to become. My purpose on this earth is far from done. What quietly profound surprises await my discovery? Ah, the possibilities! “The teacher comes when the student is ready,” the saying goes. I'm ready.
I recently learned that the 70’s are the second happiest decade of life. And that the 80’s (believe it, friends…!) are the first!! So I’m going to relish as much in these years as possible, because they’re the last years that I’m going to have and I want them to be smashing!

Professional classical singer, retired pastor, Norwegian rosemaler and new blogger. Enjoying being 77 and climbing a large learning curve to launch “White Hair Grace” blog before I’m 78. Grandma and great-grandma x3 (and so young!).
Martha, thank you for not only being our first guest blogger, but for sharing your journey with such honesty and grace. You’re an inspiration for us all! We can hardly wait to see what you do next!
This has all come to pass because of your support and encouragement, Bill. I’m so happy to be a part of this amazing venture, and to be the first of your guest bloggers is an honor and a blessing! Thank you in spades for discovering me and showing us all that life’s surprises show up at any age!
I am bursting with pride as I read these words! Martha is my wonderful sister! After years of writing and writing and writing, she created this lovely piece. I first heard it as she and I were snuggled under a quilt, ready to go to sleep. She was reading over these words before turning out the light. As I listened, I just knew…she had found her voice! Congratulations, Marti, from your baby sister (who faces the big 7-0 in January.)
Such a wonderful sense of gratitude, and… awe! There is so much discovery and depth at this time of life. And more to come, clearly! Beautiful, Martha! Thank you!
Thank you so much, John! Coming from you, I cherish your encouragement. It’s not my first reinventing moment, but it is oh, so sweet!
Your words inspire me! I love your sense of grace and the beauty that grace brings to our lives – if we could just opt in to it earlier! Thank you for your lovely post – you have great wisdom, wit, and self awareness that comes with time and experiences.
Sandi, thank you so much for being part of making this happen! You and Bill have created a delightful, wise, inspiring and timely website and I am over the moon to be one piece of it.
Ditto sandi, I want to have lunch with her, with champagne! ❤️
Haha! Amy, I’m thinking that would be great fun!! Thanks for the encouragement!!
lovely blog, You do look amazing and love your smile. I am agreeing the 70’s were an experience, good most of the time, 80’s realising that there is much to accomplish even though there are physical limitations.
Thank you so much, Ann. That sense of having more to accomplish is part of the joy of life, I’m finding.
What a beautiful post! For me, the bottom line of your writing is that every age has its own special nature. In our 50s, we may be going through second puberty and all of the mental and physical changes that commands. I’m in my 60s, and I think hunger is the theme for this decade, for me anyway. Hunger to accomplish. How rich life is, if you have your eyes open and are paying attention. You definitely are. Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
Thank you, Lynne! You’re right about each age having its own special nature. I don’t think I realized that until now, looking back. And that hunger continues for me in my 70’s. It’s integral to becoming who I am to become and is the touchstone for much of my glee! Here’s to paying attention!
Martha, what a lovely piece. As I am approaching the end of my 50’s the one thing that grounds me is the knowledge that it gets better. And knowing that grace and confidence and joy will bloom in the coming decades is my north star. And I looked up Norwegian Rosemaler. How fantastic!
Thank you, Patty! One of the reasons I’ve wanted to do my upcoming blog (and this article) is to reassure those of you younger than I that there is at least less to dread with the coming years. And much to anticipate with hope and expectation. I can’t do rosemaling any more, but it was a blessed time when I could! And still gives me much joy!